Sunday, December 30, 2012

Blog Revival

Well hello there....umm...no one. It has been a hot minute, I must say. September, right? Well, here I am. Alive and well(ish). I made it through my first semester of PT school...barely. My waist line on the other hand is hanging on for dear life. Remember back when I hit 179?!?!? Yea...those days are looooong gone. Ready?...

191.8lbs. That's what I saw when I stepped on my scale this morning. I gained back basically half of what I worked so hard to lose this past summer and I am really disappointed about it. PT school seriously did suck the life out of me and made me lose focus of everything else in my life not related to PT school. My family life suffered, all those healthy eating/fitness habits I had come to know and love suffered, and most importantly, my sanity suffered. I can't go back to that. I just...can't.

So. In honor of the impending New Year and the beginning of my second semester of PT school, I am getting back into the swing of things. Counting calories, eating healthy, working out...you know, the usual. I actually just  got back from the grocery store and am stocked up on wonderfully yummy and HEALTHY goodness for the next week. In addition, I am going to start my blog back up. I felt like it really helped to keep me grounded and focused on my weight loss goals and I need it back.

As far as my semester was concerned, I passed all of my classes, however I did end up failing my first anatomy exam so I had to retake it. It took me a while to get in to the swing of things, but once I did, I did pretty well. I don't think I was very efficient with my study habits as far as getting all of the reading done in a timely manner and whatnot. But those are things I really want to change, so that is another goal of mine for the New Year.

In total, I have a amassed a small but lofty list of things I would like to accomplish in 2013...some resolutions, if you will:

1. Lose 40lbs through clean eating and exercise
2. Pass all of my classes in my second semester of PT school
3. Be more organized and on top of my schoolwork going forward

Nothing too crazy, right? I can do all of this with just a little bit of discipline.

So let's talk about my meal plan for the week! I'm so excited to get back on this. I think that if I prepare my meals for the entire week on Sundays that it will be that much easier to maintain throughout the semester. I just need to take the few hours out of my weekend to cook everything and it will be fine!

This week is a short week because of New Years. I start school again on Wednesday, but I'm still going to get everything done for the week today and tomorrow just to practice doing it.

So here it is:

B: Protein pancakes (my favorite) with strawberries/blackberries and real maple syrup
M.Sn: Banana with raw honey and cinnamon
L: Mushroom/Onion Turkey burgers topped with spinach and arugula, red onion, tomato and mustard with a side of baby carrots
A.Sn: Hardboiled egg
D: Halibut or Salmon fillet with avocado salsa and broccoli OR with puttanesca and spaghetti squash

That's my week! Not too shabby, right? I'm working on staying below 1250 calories for the first month just to detox and get back into it. I'm not going to crazy with the workouts in the beginning either, but I'm setting a goal of 30 minutes of aerobic exercise, 5 days per week and 2-3 days of light weights.

Also...notice anything different about my meal plan this time? Maybe not, but I'll tell you! :) I've decided to do a clean eating/Paleo mashup of sorts. No processed foods whatsoever. Only whole foods and not a lot of grains. I know that if I go completely carb free I will probably last until Thursday before I binge on pasta, so I'm trying to eat some complex carbs early in the day and finish off with just meat and veggies at night. No alocohol. Very little dairy--I'm limiting myself to just greek yogurt and kefir pretty much. Just water...2L per day.

B: oats and fruit
M.Sn: fruit
L: meat and veggies/fruit
A.Sn: meat/veggie
D: meat and veggies

So...here I am. Ready to get this ish started again and work my way down to that 150-160lb range that I've coveted for so long. I made it (barely) to the 170s from 206, so I know I can do it. Please join me (again) as I struggle and (hopefully) triumph.

Much love xoxoxox

Saturday, September 15, 2012

PT School is Sucking the Life Out of Me

Sorry for the hiatus. PT school is killing me...and my waist line.

In the past two weeks I have had: taco bell, chick-fil-a, bojangles, chipotle, panera, and countless slices of pizza (and beers).

I haven't gained any weight--probably because I never sleep anymore because I'm always studying--however, I also have not had the opportunity to work out and it's honestly killing me. In our physiology class the other day we did skin-fold and waist/hip ratio tests and I am considered to be in the healthy-ish range which is awesome for me (and my confidence). But the longer I keep these horrible eating habits up, the more likely I'm going to be back in the 200s, which I never ever want to see again in my life.

I never see my husband or my daughter, I never sleep, I never workout and I eat like shit. It's safe to say that PT school is awful so far. I literally have never been more miserable in my life than I am now. I know that it will be worth it in the end and nothing worth doing is going to be easy, but seriously...I'm riding the struggle bus--no, I'm driving the struggle bus.

As I type this, I am chowing down on super bad, yet super good taco bell (the second time I've eaten it this week). What is wrong with me?!?!?!?

Positives: I'm making some great friends, I won season tickets for men's basketball (basketball is HUGE at this school), I am learning some pretty cool stuff.

I guess I need to focus on the positives.

Monday is my very first huge Anatomy exam and I've been studying for this entire past week. Hubs was so kind and to take Bubs back to the homeland for the weekend so I have the house all to myself to study/sleep. I must admit it's been nice, but I miss them terribly. It's quiet...too quiet.

Anyway, I'm hoping that I will overcome the initial insanity and get into a better rhythm where I actually see my family, get all my work done, and still have time to exercise and eat right. I don't know if I'm imagining some sort of fantasy world, but hopefully with time I'll get there. Some of the girls in my class have been going for short runs a few times each week, so I think I'll start joining them. I've never ran with anyone except for Mike, so I'm a bit nervous, but we have our annual 5K run in a few weeks and I don't want to die while doing that, so I should probably take some initiative and do it.

Anyway, that's my update. Back to studying....sigh....

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Drum Roll Please!

First, I completely forgot to tell you that I DID got for a run on Monday after class. I walked from our building to campus and then ran the whole way around once and then walked back to our building. It was 2.69 miles...so not my usual 3+, but oh well. I did it.

Second, I weighed myself today....

179.6lbs!!!

I have officially made it into the 170s! Holy Crap!!!!

So how did I celebrate? I had 3 servings of protein pancakes with 2T almond butter and 1 large banana for breakfast.

And for lunch, I had a garlic roasted chicken breast, mozzarella, tomato, red onion, garlic and herb mayo, and mustard on whole wheat with a nutrigrain bar and a gala apple.

For dinner its turkey kielbasa in vodka sauce with pasta. Yummy! Probably more calories than I need especially since I didn't run yesterday and I'm not going today because Hubs is working late and I need to relieve my babysitter (Bubs' school is closed until tomorrow for preparations for the school year)...but whatev! :)

Anyway, so back to Hubs....we haven't talked really at all since Monday afternoon. We've talked about Bubs a few times but that's pretty much it. He tried to engage me in conversation last night and I was just like, "I don't want to talk, I have a lot of work to do. I don't have time for you." I don't know if it pissed him off or not, and to be honest I don't care. Heartless...I know. He needs to understand that doing well in this program is so important to me and if he can't be helpful and supportive and NICE, then I don't want to even deal with him. There it is. So, I just haven't talked to him. I made dinner, gave Bubs and bath and went right to my school work last night without hardly saying anything to him. When he came up to bed I was watching True Blood because we missed it on Sunday, and I passed out like 30 seconds after it ended.

Okay done with that! So, I made it to the 170s (barely)! Horray! Now I need to work toward the 160s! Assuming I can stay in the 170s for more than 5 seconds!

:)))

Monday, August 20, 2012

Hubs Troub(le)s

Haven't weighed myself, planning on doing so tomorrow....I think I ate okay the past few days...maybe?

Hubs and I went to an Indian restaurant last night for dinner and I had the Salmon Makhani. It was ridiculously good. I was in heaven...and I ate every last freakin' delicious bite...AND then, I dipped my garlic naan in the sauce, AND then I had these weird little balls of awesome for dessert. IT was awesome!

The downfall? Hubs and I were going to a concert and after driving the 35 minutes to venue, I realized that I forgot the tickets at home. I had signed up for printable tickets and had completely forgotten to print them before we left. So, we debated for a second. Would they be able to scan them from my phone? We decided that no, they probably couldn't, so we drove all the way home (35 minutes), printed the tickets out, and drove all the way back (35 minutes). We got there right in the middle of the first song of the main act. Not too shabby. I asked the lady at the front gate if she could have scanned my phone and the answer was....yes. Damnit. What a waste!

And of course, because of all that crap, Hubs and I were bitching at each other. He kept trying to tell me it was okay, but I was annoyed with myself so him telling me over and over that it was okay was just pissing me off anymore. And then he got mad that I was walking too fast...I wanted to get in the gates! Then when we got our spot on the lawn, he refused to talk to me. So I started crying. The concert was supposed to be my last fun event before classes started (they started today by the way), and he was just being the biggest jerk. He spent the weekend doing something fun-he drove to visit his best friend who lives 2.5 hours away and they went fishing and drank, etc. I stayed home with Bubs and missed all sorts of fun events with my classmates. Which is fine! I'm glad he got to go to his friends' house, but it would have been nice for him to respect that it was my turn to have fun and I wanted to have fun with him.

Anyway, so about 20 minutes into the concert he warmed up and things were fine, and then 20 minutes before the concert ended he kept asking me if I was ready to go. No, bitch, I am staying until the fucking end. What. The. Fuck?! He wanted to beat the traffic. So selfish. Oh and p.s. it rained on us.

So today he started out being nice to me, and then he decided randomly that he didn't want to do that anymore. So, he's been a jerk alllllll day long. On my first day of classes. He stayed home all day with Bubs and didn't do diddly squat. He didn't do the dishes or clean anything and he slept in while Bubs ran rampant all over the upstairs. He made himself breakfast AND lunch and left all the dishes for me to do when I got home. I asked him nicely if he could go to the grocery store, and he was a bit combative but took Bubs and went anyway. While he was gone I watched some video lectures and did the dishes and made dinner and when he got home with groceries he bitched at me to put them away. And then he didn't understand why I wanted to get away and go out with my classmates.

I don't know what's going on with him, but he's being a jerk. I think he's nervous that I'm going to leave him behind as I attend PT school. But if he's nervous that I'm going to distance myself from him, being a jerk isn't going to solve that. It only makes me want to put more distance between us. And for God's sake, it was my FIRST FUCKING DAY! Why did he have to act like this on my first day?

And of course, he thinks that it's me. It's all my fault. Blah blah. He doesn't care that he hurts my feelings, he just tells me I'm too sensitive and that I need to get over it. And every time I get upset about something, he blows it off by saying "Is it the end of the world?". Like I'm not allowed to be upset about anything because the world isn't crumbling down around me. Just because its not armageddon, doesn't mean I can't be upset about something, asshole.

Okay, I need to stop. I'm a little hurt and upset right now. I love my husband very much but I'm sad that he's doing this when I'm just getting started with school and that he doesn't take my feelings into account ever. It makes it hard to focus on the important things I need to get done for school when I'm dealing with his crap. And I'm tired.

So here's what I ate recently:

Sunday
B: Protein pancakes with almond butter and banana
L: Garlic Chicken with mozzarella, tomato, and red onion on whole wheat potato bread with garlic mayo and mustard
D: Samosa, Salmon Makhani, basmati rice, garlic naan
Ds: Balls of awesome (I have no idea what they were called)
At the concert I had the biggest beer I've ever seen. It was probably at least $15 by itself

Today
B: Protein pancakes with sugar free strawberry preserves and 1/3 less fat strawberry cream cheese
L: Mixed berry Nutrigrain bar, Garlic Chicken with mozzarella, tomato, and red onion on whole wheat potato bread with mayo and mustard, gala apple
D: 1 homemade pulled pork sandwich with coleslaw, mashed potatoes, and corn
I went out with my classmates and had one 12oz hard cider

I don't know my totals to be honest because my pulled pork recipe is from scratch (it's just pork shoulder and root beer in the crockpot on low all day...but don't tell anyone). But I didn't feel full or bloated all day so that's good.

Anyway, I have a big day tomorrow and I'm exhausted. Goodnight!

Saturday, August 18, 2012

School Has Commenced!

Shoot me! yay!

Anyway, so this week I had orientation for PT school. It was a crazy week, but I can say that I ate decently for being so busy. And I even had the motivation to get a workout in on Wednesday after sitting in a classroom from 8-4.

So, Sunday, my mom and I got up and went to yoga first thing in the morning. She hated it. She has no balance and had a hard time with the standing series because its all on one leg at a time. She stayed in the room though, so that's awesome. I was proud of her for sticking it out, but no, she did not like it at all. ha.

After THAT, we went to breakfast at this cute place in the city and I had a lox bagel with fruit and an Orangina (I have been obsessed with that stuff since childhood, but I never ever buy it and only get it occasionally...brings me back). Then my mom and and I went shopping (again) for a few last minute things for school and then we called it a day. She drove back North and I went and played indoor soccer (we lost...I got nutmegged....the end). Then Hubs and Bubs and I went to a Greek restaurant near our house that we had yet to go to. It was good, but they kept messing up our order and forgetting things so they kept plying us with baklava to make up for it. So I had a huge plate of hummus and pita triangles PLUS a chicken gyro and some french fries off of Bubs' plate and like 3 baklava squares. Yea...not my best showing, but I exercised twice that day. Whatev. I was still full the next morning though so I guess my body is getting used to not eating so much.

Monday was like any other monday, Bubs and Hubs headed off to their respective day jobs and I slept in until noon. Woot. After THAT, I went running, and then met a friend from school for a pedicure followed by grocery shopping and dinner making for the family. Blah. Boring.

Tuesday was awesome! I was trying to pick out and outfit for the first day of orientation and I sent a mass text to my mom, my sister and Hubs saying "Which outfit do you prefer?" followed by a bunch of pictures. Well, my husband thought it was just the two of us texting and he replied "I'll tell you but you have to show me your boobs first". Hahahahahaha....you can imagine the awkwardness that ensued. OMG, I was dying laughing. My sister and mom didn't care, they just thought it was hilarious, but Hubs was mortified. I'm still laughing 5 days later. Muahahahahah!

Anyway, after I could control my giggling for long enough to shower and get dressed, I went shopping for jeans (see previous mom jean post). I went to the Lucky Brand store in my local mall and bought two pairs. I used to wear their jeans in high school and college but back then the largest size they carried was a 32 (which I was) so obviously I haven't been able to wear them for years. Well, I am proud to say that I wear a 31 now. Go me! And they are definitely NOT mom jeans. So there. After all that, I met some of my new classmates for a game of pickup soccer on campus. There were about 10 of us and it was really fun and I got a decent workout in. When that was over I rushed home to shower and change so I could meet up with some different classmates for drinks about 30 minutes away. The bar we were supposed to meet at was closed for renovations so we went to the same restaurant my mom and Hubs/Bubs and I went to last Friday. There were only a few of us and we just had a few beers and then headed home around 11 because Wednesday was the BIG DAY!

I had to be at orientation on Wednesday at 8 so I got up at 6 and got Bubs ready and saw her and Hubs off for the day and then I got ready. Before getting dressed I weighed myself and saw 180lbs EVEN! Hells yes.... Anyway, I wore this....



It was very comfy, but I was sweating my face off because the classroom we were in at first was hot as shit. And then we sat in freakin' Alaska for the next 8 hours. I was SOOO cold. And my permanent seat is directly underneath the air conditioning vent. I need to invest in a sweater.

Orientation was SUPER boring and after sitting there for so long I HAD to move so I went running. I was so sluggish, but I did run about 3.25 miles before heading home.

Thursday was much of the same as Wednesday. I had to get up extra early to be at school by 7:30 am and then we were there until 8:45 pm because we had to take a CPR course after all the orientation stuff was complete. It was LOOOONG day and by the time I got home I didn't want to look at another human being let alone talk, which is of course what Hubs wants to do...chat. I passed out in the middle of our conversation.

Friday (yesterday), our class did a ropes course at a local park. It was 5 hour team bonding/building activity and I really enjoyed it. It helped us to get to know each other a little bit better, and it was just a great experience. But when it was all over, I need a nap badly. We had a BBQ with the staff last night and Hubs and Bubs came with me. They got to meet some of my professors, the director of the program, and obviously a whole bunch of my classmates and as always, Bubs totally stole the show. She had a bunch of my classmates and their spouses playing Simon Says with her by the end of the night and she was make them fly around like birds. It was HILARIOUS. Everyone loved her.



So, so far things are going well. Classes start on Monday and I've been getting to know a bunch of people much better. I feel a little bit left out because I'm older and I have a child. Like last night, after the BBQ a lot of the class went out for drinks, but I had to go home because Hubs was heading out of town for the weekend to visit a friend and I needed to take care of Bubs. I also feel like there is some sort of boundary between myself and the "elders" and the "youngsters". Like maybe we are intimidating because we are older/married/child-rearing. I don't know. I don't feel like anyone dislikes me or whatever, I just don't get included or even asked to join in on some of their activities. It's all good. I'm sure things will change with time and especially as school gets going and people learn each other's strengths and weaknesses (all strengths right here....no weaknesses. ha!)

Anyway, so this weekend will be spent with Bubs while Hubs is away. And then tomorrow evening Hubs and I are going to a concert! And Monday classes start! Holy crap!

Here's how my eating habits stacked up this week. I didn't count calories as I usually do, but I tried to make smart decisions. You be the judge:

Sunday
B: Lox bagel with cream cheese, capers, red onion, tomato and fruit
L: Nothing
D: Hummus and pita, Chicken gyro, French fries, 3 baklava squares

Monday:
B: Nothing (I was not awake for breakfast)
L: Protein pancakes with 1/3 less fat strawberry cream cheese and sugar free strawberry preserves
D: Tuna casserole
Sn: Cheese cubes, 2 baklava squares

Tuesday
B: Nothing (again, not awake)
L: Tuna casserole
D: .5 cup of Chicken Tortilla soup with greek yogurt and shredded cheese
Bar: 1 pint of beer
2nd Dinner: .5 cup of Chicken Tortilla soup with greek yogurt and shredded cheese AND Tuna casserole (I was starving...no idea...I didn't even drink enough to justify it as drunk munchies)

Wednesday:
B: 1 bottle orange G2 (I was thirsty...)
L: Tomato and Mozz on Sourdough with red grapes, spring mix salad and a cookie (provided by the DPT department for orientation)
D: 2 slices pizza (also provided by the DPT department for orientation)

Thursday:
B: Oatmeal with unsweetened cocoa powder, almond slivers, and coconut flakes
L: Moe's -- Chicken, rice, pico de gallo, cheese, sour cream, and guacamole with chips and a snickerdoodle cookie (DPT provided)
D: A whole box of Kraft mac n cheese (bad, I know) and shrimp poppers

Friday:
B: Oatmeal with unsweetened cocoa powder, almond butter and banana slices
L: A whole box of mac n cheese (again, bad) and shrimp poppers/chicken nuggets
D: Two chicken kebobs, with basmati rice, tzatziki, hummus and pita, and a greek salad
Ds: 1 piece of baklava

So that's my week all summed up. I didn't eat horribly or too much, except for maybe my mac n cheese obsession on Thursday and Friday and I feel alright right now. I haven't weighed myself since Wednesday morning and I don't plan on doing so for a few days. But I'm happy with how much of I've accomplished. I wanted to lose 30lbs before school started and I lost 26, which is an achievement in itself. And I don't feel like I'm done so I'm definitely still on this journey!

I'll try to keep up better than just weekly as classes progress, but no promises. I already have a ton of reading to do and classes haven't even begun!!!!

Have a great weekend!


Saturday, August 11, 2012

I learned something fun today...

I wear "mom jeans" according to this website.

To be honest, I've never really given much thought to jeans, I've pretty much ascribed to the thought that all jeans fit/look the same. So, I am now on a mission to find better jeans. We shall see if it actually works. Express, here I come! :)

Other than that, my mom is visiting so I'm obviously eating and exercising. Not.

Here's how I'm doing:

Friday
B: nothing
L: Portobello, Fontina, Tomato Panini from a local panini cafe
D: Gnocchi with Fried Shrimp in a lemon butter sauce at a nice restaurant about 30 min away
Ds: Sweet Frog -- Coconut yogurt with almond slivers, hot chocolate syrup, and whipped cream

Totals: Don't know, don't care...my MOM is here!!!!

Saturday
B: Protein pancakes with almond butter and bananas
L: 2 Chick-fil-a chicken nuggets and half a bag of kids' meal waffle fries (obviously Bubs did not want her lunch)
D: Pork loin with caulimash, broccoli, corn, and bread

Totals: Still don't know, still don't care!!! :)))

We went shopping all afternoon today and mommy dearest was so sweet--she bought me some shoes and a bunch of outfits for school. She's too nice to me! Happy News: I bought 3 dresses (all size 8), a skirt (size 10), a button up (size 8), a pair of heeled loafers (size 10...I have large feet. what?)

And tomorrow, I'm treating my mommy to Bikram!!! I'm excited that she gets to come so she can see what I love (and hate) about it! Maybe she'll get into it, too!

Anyway, the 8am class awaits, I gotta go to bed! :) See ya!

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Today Didn't Suck

While I did not wake up in time for yoga, I did get my ass in gear and do 5 miles around campus. I walked the entire last (3rd) lap, but I did 5 miles and according to my calorie counter thingy, I burned 600ish calories. Yay me!

I also ate protein pancakes for lunch after my run, and then for dinner had chicken, a baked potato, and some broccoli. The end.

I didn't fail today!

Now here comes the test of my will power--my mommy is coming to visit me tomorrow and she's staying the whole weekend. There are endless amounts of restaurants I want to try in my new hometown, so I'm sure we will hit a few, so we'll see how it goes. I DID con her into going to Bikram with me one time this weekend (probably Sunday), so we'll see how she feels about that when the time comes. So there's at least one exercise day in there! Maybe I'll get her to go to campus with me for a light jog/walk. :)

I feel much better today now that I'm not hungover. I need to limit my drinking severely. Like, only one drink when I go out and then switch to water or something. I can't keep drinking like I'm 21 (not that I really do, I only drink beer, and my limit is like 4-5 pints before I'm wasted...), because it is killing the work that I've been putting in, plus it makes me a hungover, cranky bitch the next day who eats like crap and doesn't shower and sloths it up. Not cool. Today was so much better than yesterday.

I won't go into the gory details or anything, but Hubs and I are in a fight regarding his comments about my work ethic yesterday. I feel very betrayed that he would say so many mean things to me over the fact that my office isn't quite finished yet and that I spent all day working on it and therefore neglected the dishes and making him dinner. Womp womp. Fuck you, you can do the dishes once every few weeks, it won't kill you, I mean, I'm about to start a very strenuous doctoral program, you think I'm going to have time to do all this shit all by myself every single day? umm no, he's in for a rude awakening starting next Wednesday (side note: eeeek! it's so close)....anyway, he was such a jerk, and while he realized today that he was mean to me and tried to apologize, I'm still mad, so we really didn't talk that much tonight and he went to bed at 8:45. I spent most of my night saying things like, "yes, master" and "anything for you, master". Yes, passive aggressive, but he got my point. Whatever.

AND, I cleaned the entire house from top to bottom today. Bathrooms, sweeping/vacuuming, cleaned the kitchen, did the dishes, was working on dinner when he got home, did ALL of the laundry...my office is still not quite complete though. ha! He can suck it, I purposely did not even touch it today just to piss him off. And it was the first thing he asked me about over dinner tonight. HA. I win. I mean, as much as you can possibly win at being married, which is not much at all. Womp.

Okay, I'm done. I need to sleep. Can't wait to see my momma tomorrow!!!! :))))